"Holy Grail" Hair Day #2

Good Friday morning family!

Yes I know what you're thinking..."two post in one week...something must be up". Lol. YES SOMETHING IS UP...I had yet another "holy grail" like day with my hair this morning. Plus I was totally feeling myself as well (cue top model photo in 3 2 ----------------->).

Before I go into the toiling details of how I got this lovely style, I think today is a good lesson for all us women (natural or not...for I have diversity on my blog). You have to love yourself first before anyone else can. While others may see you as being full of yourself, now and then we need to look in the mirror and compliment ourselves. I am a firm believer that we need to speak over our lives and speak positiveness over ourselves and those we love (as well). God created us in his image....remember that.

Considering I am marking this post as my second ever "holy grail" hair day, of course I had to share with my blog family. You all are the reason I keep going with my hair....lol....no seriously. As for the routine, its the same as always. KBB's products are always used and I style once a week and utilize protective styling techniques to keep the hair moisturized and healthy in these cold months. To read about the products I use, click here and for my current routine, click here. I keep saying I am going to post my current regimen...but to be honest with you, it has changed since the above posting. I am using the same products that I've always used and I continue to sleep with a satin cap; along with be diligent in staying out of my hair on a day to day basis. Lol.

I absolutely love this clip in my head. To match it, I also purchased some dangling earrings (shown in pic) and a "blinged out" wanna ring. Family I have been trying for at least 6 months to properly install and rock this clip correctly. If I could not get the hair in the actual clip, it was lop sided, sticking out or just fall the heck out. I mean the list goes on and on with the drama I was having with this hair candy. WELL, clearly today was my day because as you will see it actually is in the right place AND so far it hasn't fallen out of my head (while in the middle of a meeting or presenting). I love the front side pull and clip look. With my type of hair (4A/B), to me its a real cute after 5 and professional look. I hope you all will think the same. Enough talk, below are the pictures. Please share your thoughts......

( I finally got that darn sparkly clip on the side of my head CORRECTLY...baby steps family..lol)


(the softer side of Silky....)

Handbook 2010

Hey Family,

I received this from a Soror of mine and thought I would share. While you don't have to forward/pass it along, I thought it would get you all thinking a bit today.......hope your having a blessed Happy New Year!

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28.. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change...
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about, I just did.

Bitterness.....Not a Good Look

This is a touchy subject for me. As someone who has worked for the last two years to rid my soul of anguish and grudges, I have found that it is a daily struggle to make sure you are not harboring feelings of bitterness, which in turn will make you a cold person and stunt your progress. While I'm a work in progress (like we all are), I thought I would again post an oldie but goodie on the affects of bitterness on ones life. Big shout out to my lil sis for bringing somethings to my attention...so I can be a better big sister and child of God. Hope this blesses you as it did me....




How Bitterness Affects Us
by: Charles F. Stanley

http://www.intouch.org/site/c.cnKBIPNuEoG/b.4951651/apps/s/content.asp?ct=6701837


Do you become critical of certain people the moment their names are mentioned? Is there anyone in your past upon whom you would enjoy taking revenge? Did somebody reject you years ago in such a way that still hurts when you think about it?




If you answered ?yes? to any of these questions, you might be harboring unforgiveness. The Bible warns us not to allow resentment to get a foothold in our lives. The book of Hebrews tells us to ?see to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled? (Heb. 12:15).



For the believer, resentment is never the right response to suffering, no matter what people have done to us. We may not even be consciously aware that we are nursing bitterness, but its consequences are subtle and many.



Physical Illnesses

Bitterness is like a continually running machine that uses our bodies for its energy source. Medical professionals consistently are finding links between the way our bodies function and the way we think. Resentment, anger, and other negative emotions have been associated with glandular problems, high blood pressure, cardiac disorders, ulcers and a host of other physical ailments.



I saw this illustrated through some friends of mine whom I will call the Browns. Mrs. Brown had cancer, so she and her husband sought the best medical treatment. Her doctor had been studying the relationship between negative emotions and cancer. Day after day, he went to talk to her about her past. One day, in the midst of their conversation, she began to cry. She confessed bitterness towards her parents that had happened years ago. When she got it all out, she was freed, liberated and forgiven. It is the doctor?s opinion that Mrs. Brown would not have recovered had she not rid herself of that resentment.



Stained Relationships

Bitterness causes one person trouble and defiles others. As used in Hebrews 12:15, the Greek word for defile (miaino) means ?to stain? or ?to dye.? The resentment we harbor will stain our relationships. This is one reason why there are so many separations, divorces and broken homes.



One couple I counseled illustrates this principle. Despite the wife?s best attempts to love her husband, she couldn?t break through his hardened emotional wall. Through counseling, we discovered that he couldn?t forgive his mother for dying when he was twelve. He was mad at his mother for leaving him, and his anger was staining his marriage.



Bitterness can paralyze us.
Even when we genuinely want to love another person, we can?t. Spouses, parents and children wonder why they can?t break through the barrier and experience genuine love. But deep inside, these people may find themselves infected by roots of anger and resentment, even simmering hatred.



Bitterness has so many little sprouts to it. Distrust is one of them. Insecurity is another. When the Bible says to ?see to it that ? no root of bitterness (springs) up,? it is because the consequences are so awesome and ongoing.



Spiritual Stumbling Blocks

Bitterness creates a cloak of guilt. We know we shouldn?t feel the way we do toward others, and we know God doesn?t want us to be full of resentment. We sense a barrier between God and ourselves and begin to doubt our salvation.



Bitterness also hinders our influence for Christ. What kind of Christian testimony can we have if we are resentful toward God and toward our neighbors? How can we convincingly talk to others about the forgiveness of God when we refuse to forgive those who have wronged us? When we allow bitterness to take over our lives, it spills over into the lives of those around us.



Ed and Nancy had a story book wedding, and they excitedly made plans for their family. They would have a boy and a girl. Sure enough, their firstborn was a boy. But the second pregnancy had complications, and the doctor told them this would be their last child. Unfortunately?from Nancy?s point of view?their second child was also a boy. Nancy couldn?t bring herself to love her younger child, blaming him for robbing her of the little girl she always wanted. Eventually, she divorced Ed for not understanding her and declined custody of either son. Her bitterness destroyed their small family.



How many of us harbor offenses? How many of us are angry adults because we don?t feel loved? We need to deal with negative feelings about those who have hurt or wronged us. An unforgiving spirit is a devastating attitude that none of us can afford. Determine today to let go of bitterness, and be set free to enjoy life again.



Adapted from "The Gift of Forgiveness" (1991)
Note: Read our Bible study, Winning over Bitterness, and learn how to find freedom from anger, resentment and unforgiveness.

"Holy Grail" Hair Day

For those who REALLY follow the Silky Chronicles, already know that I posted an entry that dismissed the whole idea of "holy grail" hair....WELL family, I have to surrender because TODAY I had some absolutely perfect and gorgeous photos of a twist out set I did.

Take a look and tell me what you think:

All Twisted UP (current hair style)

As promised, below are pictures of my hair after taking my braids out. For those of you who may not remember, I wore a set of GORGEOUS braids fof about 2 1/2 months. Click here to see the results. I have never received so many compliments in my life on my hair, then when I had those braids. Definitely will be getting some again soon!

After the detangling fiasco of 2009 (lol) from removing those braids, I decided to do a protective style for the month of November and December. I must admit, I freaked out a little when cleansing my hair after having it braided up. I think the issues was the products I use. Luckily I had some of my staple products Karen's Body Beautiful handy to hook me up (look for a future post on my current hair regimen and products I use).

Take a look at the below pics and tell me what you think. The first 3 are of a wet twist set.

I usually wear this style for 1-2 weeks (depending on my schedule), cleansing the the scalp with Sea Breeze. It helps to keep the hair clean so I can wear them longer. So after wards, I untwist my head to get the below (please note no make up so no comments):

I'm so excited with my progress. My hair is growing faster than I anticipated and in great shape. Officially, I'm 17 months chemical free and 14 months ALL NATURAL. As always, I take criticism and suggestions. Tell me what you think all!


The orAKAle has spoken........

12 Steps To Changing Your Prayer Life

By: Jennifer Kennedy Dean

1. “The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.” (Prov. 21:1)

If your thoughts wander during your prayer time, instead of trying to force them back into your pre-set agenda, try following them. Perhaps the Lord has another agenda.

2. “But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.” (Matt. 6:5-6).

Set a time for daily prayer. Consider it an unbreakable commitment. Keep your set appointment every day for one week. For one solid week, let your scheduled prayer time be the centerpiece of your day: arrange everything else to fit around it.

3. "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” (Mark 1:35)

Give God the first fruits of your day. For one week, give the very first 30 minutes of your day to prayer.

4. “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” (Luke 5:16)

Find a place in your home where you can be alone and undistracted during your prayer time. Keep your Bible, prayer journal, pen, and whatever tools you use in that place so that everything is ready. During your prayer time each day, this is a sacred place.

5. “I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple.” (Isaiah. 6:1)

As you start your prayer time, before you say anything, let your mind’s eye see Him, high and exalted, and yourself in a position of worship before Him. Stay in that inner posture until His glory fills your thoughts as the train of His robe fills the temple.

6. “But Jesus said, ‘Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.’ (Luke 8:46 )

Take time to become truly alive to His presence with you. Be aware that as you touch Him through prayer, His power is released into your life.

7. “O my people, hear my teaching; listen to the words of my mouth.” (Ps. 78:1)

Read your Bible this morning with the awareness that you are listening to the words of His mouth. Stop at the first word, phrase, or thought that captures your attention and let the Father speak to you about it and let it shape your prayers.

8. “We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” (Isa. 64:8)

This week, practice the prayer of pliability. Instead of focusing on what you want God to do for you, focus on allowing Him to shape your desires until they match His. Accept each situation in your life as His hand shaping your thoughts, character, and longings.

9. “Not my will, but yours be done.” (Luke 22:42)

This week, let these words be the only prayer you pray about situations that confront you. Focus on relinquishing every situation to Him to be a platform for His power.

10. “I will remember the deeds of the LORD.” (Ps. 77:11)

This week, try writing out your prayers. It will help you stay focused and will create a record of God’s work in your life.

11. “My tongue will speak of your righteousness and of your praises all day long.” (Ps. 35:28)

This week, practice praying out loud during your private prayer time. It will make your prayer experience more concrete and will help you keep your mind focused.

12. “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; …talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” (Deut. 11:18-20)

This week, try walking as you pray. Walk through your neighborhood or around your yard. You will be more able to keep your mind open to new thoughts the Lord might introduce. You are likely to find yourself spending more time with Him.

Adult Acne (pt. 2) - Healing the Natural Way

As promised in part one of Adult Acne, below are some NATURAL ways to battle and heal your self from acne.

Do you know that YOU can assist in controlling your acne, without breaking your bank account from purchasing numerous amounts of marketed facial creams and surgeries? Upon doing research, I learned of many vitamins and foods that your body can use to keep your skin evenly toned, hydrated and to naturally heal the aftermaths of acne caused blemishes. While we all know that putting healthier foods and supplements into the body can do wonders for you overall, I did not know that there are specific green veggies and vitamins that target acne and can help to increase the healing process.

Below is a nice long list of vitamins that help in controlling ones acne. I suggest that you take a look at the back of your vitamin bottle to see if you are getting your daily vitamin intake to combat your acne prone skin. Please consult with a doctor before trying any new vitamins or supplements outside of your normal routine:

Vitamin A (with carotenoids) - strengthens the protective tissue of the skin and prevents acne. It helps reduce sebum production. This vitamin is essential for the maintenance and repair of the tissue which the skin and mucous membranes are made of. Vitamin A is also a powerful antioxidant needed to rid your body of toxins. Did you know that a deficiency in vitamin A can actually cause acne? Recommended dosage to fight acne: 10,000 IU If you are pregnant, do not take more than 5000 IU.

Vitamin B Complex - help to maintain healthy skin tone. They are also helpful in relieving anxiety and stress. Stress can be a major player in causing acne. The B vitamins should always be taken together. The vitamins in the B complex are Thiamine, Riboflavin, Niacin (Nicotinic Acid, Niacinamide), Pantothenic Acid, Pyridoxine and Cyanocobalamin. Each one of these vitamins has a specific role in promoting healthy skin, as well as overall health.

• Thiamine (Vitamin B1) acts as an antioxidant ridding your body of toxins. It enhances circulation and assists in proper digestion. Recommended dosage to fight acne: 100 mg 3 times daily.

• Riboflavin (Vitamin B2) Riboflavin works together with Vitamin A to maintain and improve the mucous membranes in the digestive tract. It is also essential for healthy skin, hair and nails. Acne is a symptom of Riboflavin deficiency. Recommended dosage to fight acne: 100 mg 3 times daily.

• Niacinamide (Vitamin B3) is vital for healthy skin by improving circulation and helping your body with the metabolism of carbohydrates, fats and proteins. A deficiency in Niacinamide will cause acne. Recommended dosage to fight acne: 200 mg 3 times daily.

• Pantothenic Acid (Vitamin B5) is popular for reducing stress. It is needed for the proper function of the adrenal glands. Recommended dosage to fight acne: 100 mg 3 times daily.

• Pyridoxine (Vitamin B6) is important in the functioning of your immune system and your antibody production. A deficiency of vitamin B6 can result in acne. Recommended dosage to fight acne: 100 mg 3 times daily.

Vitamin C with bioflavonoids - is another "super vitamin". It is an antioxidant that is required for at least 300 metabolic functions in the body, including tissue growth and repair.Vitamin C protects against infection and enhances immunity. Bioflavanoids have an antibacterial effect. Recommended dosage to fight acne: 1000 to 1600 mg 3 times daily If you have diabetes, ask your doctor about the proper dosage.

Chromium - aids in reducing infections of the skin. To get the adequate amount of chromium in your diet, chromium should be taken in supplemental form called chromium picolinate or chromium polynicotinate. Chances are you are chromium deficient because the form of chromium in foods is not easily absorbed and is lost during processing; and high quantities of sugar in the diet cause a loss of chromium from the body. Recommended dosage to fight acne: 150 mcg per day.

Zinc - aids in healing of the tissues and helps prevent scarring. It helps prevent acne by regulating the activity of the oil glands. Zinc promotes a healthy immune system and the healing of wounds. It is also an antioxidant which helps to fight and prevent the formation of free radicals. Acne can be a sign of Zinc deficiency. Recommended dosage to fight acne: 25-30mg per day.

Vitamin E - an antioxidant that enhances healing and tissue repair. It prevents cell damage by inhibiting the oxidation of lipids (fats) and the formation of free radicals. Recommended dosage to fight acne: 400 IU daily.

Here is a list of foods that help to prevent acne as well. I've tried some of these, but can not guarantee if your skin will be effected by these foods. As always, consult with a doctor before eating anything new (outside of your normal routine) if you are not sure how you may react:

1. Organic Green Tea - This is rich in an anti-inflammatory chemical called catechins, which helps to combat free radicals and prevent fine lines.
2. Olive oil - good monounsaturated fats like olive or sesame oil contain essential fatty acids that are needed for good health. Fats are an integral part of cell membranes and will help to nourish the skin and give it an inner glow.
3. Walnuts - They are rich in omega-3 oils, another powerful antioxidant that helps to keep the skin plump and flexible. Omega-3 oils are also found in oily fish such as salmon, or in flaxseed oil.
4. Berries - Blueberries, raspberries, cranberries are all rich in phytochemicals that are protective of skin cells. You can't get the same results though, from frozen or preserved fruit.
5. Lemon Juice - It's a natural bleach and can be used to fade sunspots and freckles. Put a slice of lemon over the spot and leave it for 10 minutes everyday for a week, or exfoliate by rubbing a cut lemon and half a teaspoon of granulated sugar over the skin for a few minutes. Be careful not to get any lemon in your eyes and stop immediately if you get a bad reaction as some people have extremely sensitive skin.
6. Watermelon - Some people believe that rubbing their faces with the rind of a watermelon will give them beautiful skin.There is plenty of truth to this, as the pulp of the fruit is a good exfoliant and watermelon is rich in vitamins A, B and C. The fruit contains a lot of water which serves to hydrate the skin and the gentle massaging action will stimulate lymphatic drainage.
7. Low-Fat Dairy Products - One the most important components of skin health is vitamin A. One of the best places to get it is low-fat dairy products. In fact, experts say that the health of our skin cells is dependent on dietary vitamin A.
8. Whole-Wheat Bread, Cereals and Brazil nuts - Dietary selenium comes from nuts, cereals, meat, fish, and eggs. Brazil nuts are the richest ordinary dietary source. The mineral selenium connects all these foods for healthy skin. Experts say selenium plays a key role in the health of skin cells. Some studies show that even skin damaged by the sun may suffer fewer consequences if selenium levels are high.
9. Yogurt - Yogurt is a very important natural beauty aid. Apply yogurt on the face every morning. Wash it off after a few minutes with cold water. This will keep the complexion smooth, healthy and fresh. A mixture of yogurt and lemon juice is ideal for softening hands.
10. Water - While the exact amount you should drink each day varies, no one disputes the role good hydration plays in keeping skin looking healthy and even young. When that hydration comes from pure, clean water - not liquids such as soda or even soup - experts say skin cells rejoice.

I hope the information in this series has been helpful and let me know your acne secrets (if you have any). Lol. The orAKALe has spoken.....



For further research, check out the below sources on more tips and strategies to combat adult acne:
About.com: Holistic Healing
Acne Care Tips

Black America's 10 Biggest Lies

You know what makes The Silky Chronicles different from the other blogs.......the fact that we talk about ALL sorts of topics and issues that are faced in our world. Below is just another example of the diversity I like to bring to the site.

I received the below post on a different list serve, and thought I would share with my blogville family. Being of African decent, I felt compelled to read the article and then chose to bring it to you my followers. I hope no one is offended by the post.

The original post can be found here at BlackAmericaWeb.com written by Tony Pendelton. I'm curious to know your thoughts on this article, for I agreed and disagreed with many points. When you get a chance, check out the comments on the original post on the site....very interesting...

Tell me what you think....the orAKAle has spoken.....

___________________________________________________________________________________

Black America, are we lying to ourselves? It seems as though there are quite a few areas where we are not totally being honest with one another.

A recent study proves that people lie to each other at least three times in a 10-minute period after just being introduced! The study also says that it’s difficult for even law enforcement personnel to know when someone is really lying.

With all of that in mind, what lies does black America believe most? We thought we’d do our own unofficial study to see what the record shows. What lies do we believe about ourselves or continue to perpetuate? Here’s our list of the top 10.

Lie #1: Soul food is good for you. Our mamas, grandmamas, dads and uncles definitely loved us. So much, in fact, that they cooked chitlins and pig feet and hosted lavish barbeques featuring plates overflowing with delicious food like macaroni and cheese, candied yams, pork chops and fried chicken. Let’s not forget about those desserts like red velvet cake and peach cobbler - and that oh-so-good lemonade and sweet tea. The problem is that the soul food diet, as good as it is, is filled with fatty meats, fried foods, sugar, salt and a high percentage of dietary fat. Those are the very things that are causing record numbers of obesity in our community. Nobody’s saying you shouldn’t enjoy our cultural food every now and then. But a soul food diet all the time is a license for health problems down the line.

Lie #2: Baby mamas/daddies are okay. No, not every child in the world is going to come into the world with two loving, married parents. And even some who do may end up as children of divorce. There are no guarantees that an intact family will stay intact. But statistics overwhelmingly prove that children born to single, teenage mothers have a much greater chance of being poor with limited educations and a show a greater propensity for violent and criminal behavior. When did we begin to accept that having children was a random and thoughtless decision, particularly at a time when birth control is more accessible and easier to use than ever before? When did we start to believe, as both men and women, that it’s okay to bring a life into the world before either parent is able to truly handle the responsibility? Given the grim statistics, we need to look at what a costly lie this has become.

Lie #3: Celebrities are more deserving of forgiveness than others. Convicted felons Li’l Kim, T.I., Chris Brown and Michael Vick have something in common despite their legal issues – the support of the black community. Given their respective crimes of perjury, weapons charges, domestic violence and dog-fighting, you have to wonder if they would receive that same support if their names weren’t bold-faced. Think about it: If any one of your friends and relatives had done any of those same things, would you have been so forgiving? It’s amazing that black folks who have washed their hands of people in their own lives have embraced celebrities they don’t even know after they’ve committed some pretty disturbing crimes.

Lie #4: A hustler mentality is more important than a formal education. The black community loves its hustlers, whether it’s Diddy, Jay-Z, The Knowles family or 50 Cent. Hustle, hustle, hustle is the ethos that permeates black America. Sure, hustling has its merits – but is it the only way to achieve success? President Barack Obama is probably the most primary example of what an education can do. He and his wife are both proud Ivy League graduates with advanced degrees. Hustle may be reserved for the few with the charisma and stamina to take them to the top, but an education is something accessible to anyone.

Lie #5: Water and snow are for other people. According to USA Swimming, nearly 60 percent of African-American children can’t swim, which is why they drown at three times the rate of other children. Why is that? Because there still exists a mentality that says that water and swimming are for “other” people - and because there are still girls whose parents allow them to use their hair as an excuse for staying out of the water. Somehow or another, the myth of black folks not liking water or snow has become a fact. (Please note the miniscule amount of black families you see skiing together at any ski resort.) And sadly, USA Swimming’s study showed that it was the parents who needed to be convinced most. Many either didn’t swim themselves or were afraid to have their children learn. Unfortunately, this is a mindset with dire consequences for many of our kids.

Lie #6: Complexion is destiny. Do we still believe that skin color is relevant in the black community? Well, only if you think that the negative reaction to Michelle Obama was primarily based on her Princeton thesis. There are people who still believe that certain things are given to or withheld from people based on their complexion. There are still those who find dark-skinned men menacing and light-skinned women the epitome of beauty. In fact, both dark and light-skinned people can point to misconceptions about them based solely on their skin color, something that no one has any control over. So how long will we go on believing the same old lies?

Lie #7: Marriage isn't important anymore. The rate of black marriage continues to decline, as this depressing statistic shows – the percentage of African-American women who are married declined from 62 percent to 36.1 percent between 1950 and 2000. Apparently, the black community has decided that marriage is no longer a priority. Yet, if you look around, you’ll probably see the most financially stable people who lead the most productive and happy lives and who raise decent children are generally married. No, it’s not a sure-fire thing, but what is? In our community, the financial edge would certainly go to the two-income couple who can command greater stability just by having someone to share bills and child-rearing responsibilities with. That being said, why are so few of us overall choosing to walk down that aisle?

Lie #8: Obesity is not the most serious health care issue in our history. Black women and the men who love them have never accepted the European aesthetic that mandates that women be super-skinny. Our African ancestors passed down their curvaceous bodies, complete with round hips and full backsides. But somewhere along the way, obesity became the new “thick.” We’re not talking a big booty and a frame fuller than the average celebutante It girl; we’re talking women who are 100-150 pounds over a healthy weight, with rolls of fat and distended stomachs. We’re talking men who are so overweight, they are taking on female characteristics like breasts. Our children are experiencing obesity at ever-younger ages, yet this health crisis seems to be going unnoticed by most African-Americans who continue to eat unhealthy diets. (See #1.) It appears that although we survived slavery and Jim Crow and more, black people will finally be felled by food poisoning, which is exactly what our diets have become.

Lie #9: We are descended from royalty. Too many of us don’t know our history, so too few of us can make this claim with any real, absolute certainty. Indeed, it was Africa, not Europe or Asia, that had the oldest empires in the world. Many of us, as African people, did, in fact, descend from kings, queens and creators of art, music and architecture far superior to what the European culture would devise later on. Too much of African history has been lost or suppressed to promote European culture as the world’s most sophisticated. In 2005, Philadelphia’s public school system became the first in the country to require students to take a course in African-American history to graduate. Educators say that not only did it provide a much-needed addition of historical accuracy; it also helped increase self-esteem in a largely black public school population. As they say, if you don’t know your history, you are doomed to repeat it.

Lie #10: Black men don't have emotional needs. Somehow, our community has come to the conclusion that black men don’t have emotions. The recent scorn which greeted public tears by basketball players Stephon Marbury and Allen Iverson, as well as comedian D.L. Hughley, made it seem as though the stereotypical image of strong, silent black men is alive and well. We offer much support in the way of girl’s emotional needs, with programs targeted to increase their self-esteem, but what about our boys? Given the fact that the violence in most of our cities is perpetuated by and on young black males, shouldn’t we be considering how to meet their emotional needs instead of just locking them up? If we could start acknowledging those needs earlier and helping them learn how to deal with feelings, we might all have a brighter future. After all, these are potential fathers and husbands!

Words that Speak to the Heart

Hey Family! How have you been? Good I hope, cause I sure have been busy over here. Today's post is short, sweet and straight to the point. I'm dedicating this segment to one of my lovely and talented Sorors, Ms. Rachael (AKA Dr. Rae).

This is a young women to look for in the coming years.....whether its a book, movie or even live performances in a lounge near you. Lol. She has captured my thoughts in a s i ng le, yet moving poem posted on her blog --"Live, LOVE, and Laugh". If you get a chance, please check her out...the girl can write.

Below is one of my favorite poems to date from Dr. Rae. Read, reflect and most importantly LOVE family! Can you relate to the below spoken words...cause the orAKAle sure can......enjoy!

IS IT OKAY????

Is it okay that some days I’m not feeling myself?

Is it okay that some days I fear losing you?

Is it okay that some days I feel like I’m dreaming?

Is it okay that some days I don’t trust you?

Is it okay that some days I don’t feel I deserve your love?

Is it okay that I’m like this because of my past hurts?

Is it okay that you may have to work extra hard to get me to believe in us?

Tell me is it okay?

Is it okay that I think I’m in love with you?

Is it okay that I want to move away from my present to be in your presence?

Is it okay that I want to be with you?

Is it okay that I dream about you in the day and night?

Is it okay that I can see myself being your wife?

Tell me is it okay?

Self Worth - GOOD READ

Today's post is dedicated to the ladies. Every once in awhile we need to regroup and reflect. The below posting came to me on a different list and I thought I should share. Unfortunately, the author is unknown but it is a great read. Hope you enjoy it!

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question:

'What kind of man are you looking for?'

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, 'Do you really want to know?'

Reluctantly, he said, 'Yes.

She began to expound, 'As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can't do for myself?

I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man... or woman for that matter.

I am in the position to ask, 'What can you bring to the table?'

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought & stated, 'I am not referring to money. I need something more.
I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain.

She said, 'I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation & mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.

I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't need a financial burden.

I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.

I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man.

I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God.

I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him.

I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.

And by the way, I am not looking for him...He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself.

When she finished her spill, she looked at him.

He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, 'You are asking a lot.

She replied, "I'm worth a lot".