Bitterness.....Not a Good Look

This is a touchy subject for me. As someone who has worked for the last two years to rid my soul of anguish and grudges, I have found that it is a daily struggle to make sure you are not harboring feelings of bitterness, which in turn will make you a cold person and stunt your progress. While I'm a work in progress (like we all are), I thought I would again post an oldie but goodie on the affects of bitterness on ones life. Big shout out to my lil sis for bringing somethings to my attention...so I can be a better big sister and child of God. Hope this blesses you as it did me....




How Bitterness Affects Us
by: Charles F. Stanley

http://www.intouch.org/site/c.cnKBIPNuEoG/b.4951651/apps/s/content.asp?ct=6701837


Do you become critical of certain people the moment their names are mentioned? Is there anyone in your past upon whom you would enjoy taking revenge? Did somebody reject you years ago in such a way that still hurts when you think about it?




If you answered ?yes? to any of these questions, you might be harboring unforgiveness. The Bible warns us not to allow resentment to get a foothold in our lives. The book of Hebrews tells us to ?see to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled? (Heb. 12:15).



For the believer, resentment is never the right response to suffering, no matter what people have done to us. We may not even be consciously aware that we are nursing bitterness, but its consequences are subtle and many.



Physical Illnesses

Bitterness is like a continually running machine that uses our bodies for its energy source. Medical professionals consistently are finding links between the way our bodies function and the way we think. Resentment, anger, and other negative emotions have been associated with glandular problems, high blood pressure, cardiac disorders, ulcers and a host of other physical ailments.



I saw this illustrated through some friends of mine whom I will call the Browns. Mrs. Brown had cancer, so she and her husband sought the best medical treatment. Her doctor had been studying the relationship between negative emotions and cancer. Day after day, he went to talk to her about her past. One day, in the midst of their conversation, she began to cry. She confessed bitterness towards her parents that had happened years ago. When she got it all out, she was freed, liberated and forgiven. It is the doctor?s opinion that Mrs. Brown would not have recovered had she not rid herself of that resentment.



Stained Relationships

Bitterness causes one person trouble and defiles others. As used in Hebrews 12:15, the Greek word for defile (miaino) means ?to stain? or ?to dye.? The resentment we harbor will stain our relationships. This is one reason why there are so many separations, divorces and broken homes.



One couple I counseled illustrates this principle. Despite the wife?s best attempts to love her husband, she couldn?t break through his hardened emotional wall. Through counseling, we discovered that he couldn?t forgive his mother for dying when he was twelve. He was mad at his mother for leaving him, and his anger was staining his marriage.



Bitterness can paralyze us.
Even when we genuinely want to love another person, we can?t. Spouses, parents and children wonder why they can?t break through the barrier and experience genuine love. But deep inside, these people may find themselves infected by roots of anger and resentment, even simmering hatred.



Bitterness has so many little sprouts to it. Distrust is one of them. Insecurity is another. When the Bible says to ?see to it that ? no root of bitterness (springs) up,? it is because the consequences are so awesome and ongoing.



Spiritual Stumbling Blocks

Bitterness creates a cloak of guilt. We know we shouldn?t feel the way we do toward others, and we know God doesn?t want us to be full of resentment. We sense a barrier between God and ourselves and begin to doubt our salvation.



Bitterness also hinders our influence for Christ. What kind of Christian testimony can we have if we are resentful toward God and toward our neighbors? How can we convincingly talk to others about the forgiveness of God when we refuse to forgive those who have wronged us? When we allow bitterness to take over our lives, it spills over into the lives of those around us.



Ed and Nancy had a story book wedding, and they excitedly made plans for their family. They would have a boy and a girl. Sure enough, their firstborn was a boy. But the second pregnancy had complications, and the doctor told them this would be their last child. Unfortunately?from Nancy?s point of view?their second child was also a boy. Nancy couldn?t bring herself to love her younger child, blaming him for robbing her of the little girl she always wanted. Eventually, she divorced Ed for not understanding her and declined custody of either son. Her bitterness destroyed their small family.



How many of us harbor offenses? How many of us are angry adults because we don?t feel loved? We need to deal with negative feelings about those who have hurt or wronged us. An unforgiving spirit is a devastating attitude that none of us can afford. Determine today to let go of bitterness, and be set free to enjoy life again.



Adapted from "The Gift of Forgiveness" (1991)
Note: Read our Bible study, Winning over Bitterness, and learn how to find freedom from anger, resentment and unforgiveness.

12 Steps To Changing Your Prayer Life

By: Jennifer Kennedy Dean

1. “The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.” (Prov. 21:1)

If your thoughts wander during your prayer time, instead of trying to force them back into your pre-set agenda, try following them. Perhaps the Lord has another agenda.

2. “But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.” (Matt. 6:5-6).

Set a time for daily prayer. Consider it an unbreakable commitment. Keep your set appointment every day for one week. For one solid week, let your scheduled prayer time be the centerpiece of your day: arrange everything else to fit around it.

3. "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” (Mark 1:35)

Give God the first fruits of your day. For one week, give the very first 30 minutes of your day to prayer.

4. “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” (Luke 5:16)

Find a place in your home where you can be alone and undistracted during your prayer time. Keep your Bible, prayer journal, pen, and whatever tools you use in that place so that everything is ready. During your prayer time each day, this is a sacred place.

5. “I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple.” (Isaiah. 6:1)

As you start your prayer time, before you say anything, let your mind’s eye see Him, high and exalted, and yourself in a position of worship before Him. Stay in that inner posture until His glory fills your thoughts as the train of His robe fills the temple.

6. “But Jesus said, ‘Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.’ (Luke 8:46 )

Take time to become truly alive to His presence with you. Be aware that as you touch Him through prayer, His power is released into your life.

7. “O my people, hear my teaching; listen to the words of my mouth.” (Ps. 78:1)

Read your Bible this morning with the awareness that you are listening to the words of His mouth. Stop at the first word, phrase, or thought that captures your attention and let the Father speak to you about it and let it shape your prayers.

8. “We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” (Isa. 64:8)

This week, practice the prayer of pliability. Instead of focusing on what you want God to do for you, focus on allowing Him to shape your desires until they match His. Accept each situation in your life as His hand shaping your thoughts, character, and longings.

9. “Not my will, but yours be done.” (Luke 22:42)

This week, let these words be the only prayer you pray about situations that confront you. Focus on relinquishing every situation to Him to be a platform for His power.

10. “I will remember the deeds of the LORD.” (Ps. 77:11)

This week, try writing out your prayers. It will help you stay focused and will create a record of God’s work in your life.

11. “My tongue will speak of your righteousness and of your praises all day long.” (Ps. 35:28)

This week, practice praying out loud during your private prayer time. It will make your prayer experience more concrete and will help you keep your mind focused.

12. “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; …talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” (Deut. 11:18-20)

This week, try walking as you pray. Walk through your neighborhood or around your yard. You will be more able to keep your mind open to new thoughts the Lord might introduce. You are likely to find yourself spending more time with Him.

Black America's 10 Biggest Lies

You know what makes The Silky Chronicles different from the other blogs.......the fact that we talk about ALL sorts of topics and issues that are faced in our world. Below is just another example of the diversity I like to bring to the site.

I received the below post on a different list serve, and thought I would share with my blogville family. Being of African decent, I felt compelled to read the article and then chose to bring it to you my followers. I hope no one is offended by the post.

The original post can be found here at BlackAmericaWeb.com written by Tony Pendelton. I'm curious to know your thoughts on this article, for I agreed and disagreed with many points. When you get a chance, check out the comments on the original post on the site....very interesting...

Tell me what you think....the orAKAle has spoken.....

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Black America, are we lying to ourselves? It seems as though there are quite a few areas where we are not totally being honest with one another.

A recent study proves that people lie to each other at least three times in a 10-minute period after just being introduced! The study also says that it’s difficult for even law enforcement personnel to know when someone is really lying.

With all of that in mind, what lies does black America believe most? We thought we’d do our own unofficial study to see what the record shows. What lies do we believe about ourselves or continue to perpetuate? Here’s our list of the top 10.

Lie #1: Soul food is good for you. Our mamas, grandmamas, dads and uncles definitely loved us. So much, in fact, that they cooked chitlins and pig feet and hosted lavish barbeques featuring plates overflowing with delicious food like macaroni and cheese, candied yams, pork chops and fried chicken. Let’s not forget about those desserts like red velvet cake and peach cobbler - and that oh-so-good lemonade and sweet tea. The problem is that the soul food diet, as good as it is, is filled with fatty meats, fried foods, sugar, salt and a high percentage of dietary fat. Those are the very things that are causing record numbers of obesity in our community. Nobody’s saying you shouldn’t enjoy our cultural food every now and then. But a soul food diet all the time is a license for health problems down the line.

Lie #2: Baby mamas/daddies are okay. No, not every child in the world is going to come into the world with two loving, married parents. And even some who do may end up as children of divorce. There are no guarantees that an intact family will stay intact. But statistics overwhelmingly prove that children born to single, teenage mothers have a much greater chance of being poor with limited educations and a show a greater propensity for violent and criminal behavior. When did we begin to accept that having children was a random and thoughtless decision, particularly at a time when birth control is more accessible and easier to use than ever before? When did we start to believe, as both men and women, that it’s okay to bring a life into the world before either parent is able to truly handle the responsibility? Given the grim statistics, we need to look at what a costly lie this has become.

Lie #3: Celebrities are more deserving of forgiveness than others. Convicted felons Li’l Kim, T.I., Chris Brown and Michael Vick have something in common despite their legal issues – the support of the black community. Given their respective crimes of perjury, weapons charges, domestic violence and dog-fighting, you have to wonder if they would receive that same support if their names weren’t bold-faced. Think about it: If any one of your friends and relatives had done any of those same things, would you have been so forgiving? It’s amazing that black folks who have washed their hands of people in their own lives have embraced celebrities they don’t even know after they’ve committed some pretty disturbing crimes.

Lie #4: A hustler mentality is more important than a formal education. The black community loves its hustlers, whether it’s Diddy, Jay-Z, The Knowles family or 50 Cent. Hustle, hustle, hustle is the ethos that permeates black America. Sure, hustling has its merits – but is it the only way to achieve success? President Barack Obama is probably the most primary example of what an education can do. He and his wife are both proud Ivy League graduates with advanced degrees. Hustle may be reserved for the few with the charisma and stamina to take them to the top, but an education is something accessible to anyone.

Lie #5: Water and snow are for other people. According to USA Swimming, nearly 60 percent of African-American children can’t swim, which is why they drown at three times the rate of other children. Why is that? Because there still exists a mentality that says that water and swimming are for “other” people - and because there are still girls whose parents allow them to use their hair as an excuse for staying out of the water. Somehow or another, the myth of black folks not liking water or snow has become a fact. (Please note the miniscule amount of black families you see skiing together at any ski resort.) And sadly, USA Swimming’s study showed that it was the parents who needed to be convinced most. Many either didn’t swim themselves or were afraid to have their children learn. Unfortunately, this is a mindset with dire consequences for many of our kids.

Lie #6: Complexion is destiny. Do we still believe that skin color is relevant in the black community? Well, only if you think that the negative reaction to Michelle Obama was primarily based on her Princeton thesis. There are people who still believe that certain things are given to or withheld from people based on their complexion. There are still those who find dark-skinned men menacing and light-skinned women the epitome of beauty. In fact, both dark and light-skinned people can point to misconceptions about them based solely on their skin color, something that no one has any control over. So how long will we go on believing the same old lies?

Lie #7: Marriage isn't important anymore. The rate of black marriage continues to decline, as this depressing statistic shows – the percentage of African-American women who are married declined from 62 percent to 36.1 percent between 1950 and 2000. Apparently, the black community has decided that marriage is no longer a priority. Yet, if you look around, you’ll probably see the most financially stable people who lead the most productive and happy lives and who raise decent children are generally married. No, it’s not a sure-fire thing, but what is? In our community, the financial edge would certainly go to the two-income couple who can command greater stability just by having someone to share bills and child-rearing responsibilities with. That being said, why are so few of us overall choosing to walk down that aisle?

Lie #8: Obesity is not the most serious health care issue in our history. Black women and the men who love them have never accepted the European aesthetic that mandates that women be super-skinny. Our African ancestors passed down their curvaceous bodies, complete with round hips and full backsides. But somewhere along the way, obesity became the new “thick.” We’re not talking a big booty and a frame fuller than the average celebutante It girl; we’re talking women who are 100-150 pounds over a healthy weight, with rolls of fat and distended stomachs. We’re talking men who are so overweight, they are taking on female characteristics like breasts. Our children are experiencing obesity at ever-younger ages, yet this health crisis seems to be going unnoticed by most African-Americans who continue to eat unhealthy diets. (See #1.) It appears that although we survived slavery and Jim Crow and more, black people will finally be felled by food poisoning, which is exactly what our diets have become.

Lie #9: We are descended from royalty. Too many of us don’t know our history, so too few of us can make this claim with any real, absolute certainty. Indeed, it was Africa, not Europe or Asia, that had the oldest empires in the world. Many of us, as African people, did, in fact, descend from kings, queens and creators of art, music and architecture far superior to what the European culture would devise later on. Too much of African history has been lost or suppressed to promote European culture as the world’s most sophisticated. In 2005, Philadelphia’s public school system became the first in the country to require students to take a course in African-American history to graduate. Educators say that not only did it provide a much-needed addition of historical accuracy; it also helped increase self-esteem in a largely black public school population. As they say, if you don’t know your history, you are doomed to repeat it.

Lie #10: Black men don't have emotional needs. Somehow, our community has come to the conclusion that black men don’t have emotions. The recent scorn which greeted public tears by basketball players Stephon Marbury and Allen Iverson, as well as comedian D.L. Hughley, made it seem as though the stereotypical image of strong, silent black men is alive and well. We offer much support in the way of girl’s emotional needs, with programs targeted to increase their self-esteem, but what about our boys? Given the fact that the violence in most of our cities is perpetuated by and on young black males, shouldn’t we be considering how to meet their emotional needs instead of just locking them up? If we could start acknowledging those needs earlier and helping them learn how to deal with feelings, we might all have a brighter future. After all, these are potential fathers and husbands!

In MY head...stuff I think about

Let me first say that this post is not being posted to demean or attack anyone. In no way am I referring to anyone one person in my life (professional or personal). I just have some questions /thoughts on my mind to speak on.....

Part of the purpose of me starting my blog was to share some of the thoughts going on in the orAKAle's head. I must admit that I had some reservations about even posting on this subject for it would give you the readers more insight into who I really am. But as always, with encouragement from those who care about me, I was moved to do so today.

Lately, I have been experiencing a lot of frustrations with my professional and personal life. These frustrations have been in the form of people, projects, personal disappointments, etc. In my young age, I've learned that we can be our hardest critic when it comes to personal achievement and success. Because of this, I really do try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I know that this world is filled with different people and we should be more open to being accepting and understanding of others (and those we interact with)....but....

How do you distinguish between being taken advantage of and giving people a chance?

When do we stop using our age as an excuse for not keeping our word?

When does age become a factor in sloppiness, selfishness, forgetfulness, etc?

How much does your home life REALLY effect the job performance you are paid for?

Where does the line between work and play get drawn?

When do WE stop playing the blame game and start taking responsibility for our own actions?

Can we control our own destiny?

Does everyone have the same opportunity as others?

(get where I am going with this?)

I know your probably thinking that the above questions are all over the place (and you would be right lol ), but the goal is to get you all inside of my head and what I think about sometimes on a daily basis. Does it have to be this difficult or deep...no...but due to my daily interactions (especially professionally) I have to ponder these questions, which ultimately lead me into wanting answers.

See I am not only a very visual person, but I also have a tendency to overall analyze situations (and that can be positive or negative depending on how you look at it). Doing this leads me to frustrating situations and/or "sweating the small stuff" (random comment - if you haven't added this book to your bookshelf, I highly recommend it. Great read!) through out the day. One of my goals for this year was to not do this as much for it is not healthy AND you can miss out on a lot going on around you...for we all know that life is to short to give others or circumstances the POWER to control your destiny/future.

So what do you all think? Am I over analyzing, or do I just need to find other ways of relieving my frustrations so they don't manifest into bigger (and sometimes health) issues? Comments are greatly appreciated family!

The orAKAle has spoken.......